You know how it works. In the week leading up to the game you’ve been on the BBC weather website even more times than you’ve imagined yourself winning the game almost on your own. With every change in the weather forecast your emotions swing wildly. Every ray of sun that appears as a little icon is just cause for a ticker tape parade. Every black cloud or spot of rain nearly results in a quick call to an anonymous help-line. You know that the weather forecast is by and large made up by meteorologists with too much time on their hands justifying their employment by whatever means they can but it still wont stop the fretting. What’s worse than a free Saturday in summer?


Onto the game,

On arriving at the ground and finding it either threatening rain or actually raining there are a couple of key things you’ve gotta do. Most of your day will revolve around the weather and so it’s a great idea to
find out where it comes from. This can be done in a few different ways. One way is to indulge in some chatter with the opposing team, preferably their groundsman. If however it’s a team you don’t like very
much simply observing the direction in which most of their players appear to be gazing could work if you’re prepared to put the time into it. Finally failing the above rely on the fact that in general in the UK, especially in East Anglia the prevailing wind is generally from the south west.

How do I find the south west I hear you worry. Well don’t! Find the south, then the west and conveniently you’ll find that if you construct an angle bisector of the two lines you will have a line pointing due south west. Alternatively bring a compass.

If you’ve got no compass and aren’t really into your construction then there is one final option. In this fine country we are not in the tropics, we are north of them. And hence the sun which is over the tropics is south of us. In fact daylight saving is your friend here. At 1 O’clock BST it is precisely 12 midday GMT. Our close proximity in East Anglia to the Greenwich meridian means that at this time the sun should be due south. Next as you’re all aware, the sun moves west, so whilst taking careful notes of the position of the sun (without looking directly at it) you should be able to work out to a reasonable degree of accuracy where south west is.

If you can’t work out where the sun is for clouds then it’s probably about to rain and your game will be called off anyway.

Be warned though that if you are one of my many Australian readers then the patented way for finding south west will actually result in you finding north west and if you are a reader in the tropics you’ll have
to vary your method depending on the time of year – probably better just to buy a compass in fact. I’m also not an expert on the prevailing wind of your locality as it really varies depending on where your locality is and you know that better than me.

If after all this your game does actually start it’s of course vital to focus on the game of cricket rather than the weather. You are but a pawn in the game of ‘weather’ yet a king in the game of cricket. Even if you’re not actually a king in the world of cricket.

If rain stops play at any point be sure to gaze carefully and thoughtfully into the south western sky. Even if its torrential make sure you take up a suitable vantage point at least once every half hour. Feel free to stop these regular observations if the umpire calls off the game but you might just find that there’s something missing from your life without them.

Happy Meteorology,

One fa.

Tags: Weather

Hello all, in a slight change in the advertised schedule due to popular demand this weeks edition will be one for the bowlers. The second part of the much talked about ‘art of batting’ feature will be available later in the season.

This weeks problem has become all too familiar to me in recent weeks but I’m surely not the only person in the world who can learn from it.

Picture the scene, you’re in the middle of bowling a long and accurate spell, you’ve taken your one wicket for the day and the runs have dried up. People in your own team are beginning to nod off, the sun is
shining and the larks are a singing. All of a sudden out of the blue a perfectly respectable ball on around off stump is dispatched way over your head into a corn field. It’s important I feel to note here that the following may be substituted for a corn field; a pavilion, a cow field, a road, a tree, or a ditch. It’s also important to realise that the ball can actually have gone anywhere in the arc from mid off to backward square leg.

Now, I’ve been working on it hard but I haven’t yet invented my time machine, and unless you have you’ve got to accept what has just happened. What’s important though is how your react. Now I know what you’re thinking, bowl a stump shattering yorker or a devilish slower ball, but anyone can do that. What’s really vital is how you react in the time between the ball being sent into orbit and you bowling your next ball.

Now as seems to be the trend in this fine blog there are a number of options each with their own unique advantages and disadvantages for you to weigh up. It’s said that an awful lot of this fine game is played in the mind and this is never more the case than when you’ve just been smashed out the park. Here are 6 of the best for you to bear in mind if you ever suffer from this misfortune.

1, As your team call for a search party to search the entirety of the field return to the crease and mark out your run again. This option is definitely enhanced by the presence of a bowling marker for you to lift
and replace as without it you’re likely to end up just scratching over the same mark as you measured out at the start of your spell. If you’ve been hit a particularly long way then a handy tape measure placed by the boundary could prove useful here.

2, Indulge in some sledging, eg – ‘Call yourself a batsman mate, Will Clarke hit me further than that last week’. This will achieve two things, firstly you will feel better and secondly the batsman if he’s of weak will could become irate. This is likely to result in him attempting to launch you at least twice the distance next ball. He may even succeed. Be warned though that if he does you better have an extremely good sledge lined up. ‘Only got one shot then eh?’ doesn’t really cut it at this point, especially if you the poor bowler has only got one ball.

3. As the ball flies through the air narrowly missing a couple of soviet satellites collapse into a heap and hold your leg. Go through some elaborate stretching exercises and maybe even attempt to start your run up for the next ball. Pull up again and limp gingerly off the field. Persuade the 12th man to take your place if he exists. If not your injury is obviously serious enough to render you useless and go off anyway. Pull a pew up and watch the carnage unfold as the batsman you played into form unleashes all manner of shots against your replacement. If however your replacement takes a stack of wickets at this point it’s time to contemplate retirement – due to your serious injury naturally.

4, As the ball climbs high in the air and everyone in the ground is watching it sail long into the distance nip past the batsman and surreptitiously knock a bail off. Whilst everybody is marvelling at the grandeur of the stroke appeal for hit wicket.

5, If sawdust is present apply some to your foot marks. If sawdust is not present and it’s even the tiniest bit damp make a big commotion of asking for some. If it’s as dry as a bone and the only reason you might ask for sawdust is because your looking to blame something other than your lack of competence then scratch hard with your boots at the front line for at least 30 seconds. This will make it clear that the only thing that prevented you bowling the ball of the century was your slightly suspect footing.

6, This option takes guts and shows you’re not embarrassed by the fate that has just befallen you. Simply run over and join the search party. It’s very very rare that a bowler does this and it may even convince your fellow searchers that it can’t possibly have been you that was bowling. If the search lasts long enough you may even be able to take a position at say short third man and the world may never find out it was you.

So there are 6 options. In an extremely unfortunate over you might have to use all 6 of those. If you have used all 6 however don’t worry about needing anymore because there’s just a slight probability that it might be your last over.

Happy Bowling,

Onefa

Tags: Bowling, Tips

Well after the relatively good feedback from the original work of art here is attempt number 2.

Okay, I'll be honest, there are many others vastly more qualified than me to teach you about how to play certain shots and how to build an innings, so I thought I'd focus on an area in which I'm a relative
expert and in which I think we could all learn a thing or two. This is the art of 'getting out'.

Now obviously the less seasoned and intelligent amongst you may think that the whole idea of batting is to avoid getting out. However unless your name is Tom Fulk the vast majority of your innings will end with a dismissal. The key to this vital area is that there are certain ways of getting out which are acceptable and make you look more like a batsman and certain ways which make you look rather more foolish.

In fact sometimes if you're playing a particularly scratchy innings getting out in a dignified manner can make you seem like a much better player than hanging around to score 3 not out in 43 days.

Here I'm going to take you through the top 5 ways of getting out in the manner befitting a great player, in next weeks edition I will take a glance at methods that are best left to the ferrets (ferrets obviously
coming in after rabbits)

Top 5 dignified dismissals

1. Cajole the bowler into bowling you a perfect outswinger that pitches on leg stump yet hits the top of off. Play a textbook forward defensive just inside the line of the ball and turn around with a startled look on your face when you hear the 'death rattle'. You've just been bowled a jaffa, nobody can grumble as you wander back to the pavillion.

2. Ensure the batsmen at the other end is a quality player with a liking for a straight drive. Goad the bowler into bowling a half volley on around middle and off stump to him. Now make sure you back up in an
exaggerated fashion. As the ball comes flying back straight and clips the bowlers finger tips before crashing into the stumps peform a full length dive which sadly lands inches short of regaining your ground.
You may be out but you're a hero twice over, not only did you give a masterclass in backing up but you also showed supreme athletisism in attempting to remain at the crease - or preferably just behind it.

3 This method relies upon you being a supreme judge of line, you have to be verging on the great to rely upon being able to get out in this way. You need a reasonably brisk bowler on a pitch with good carry to be sure of success here - it's such a tricky manouvre that it can take all day to pull off, you certainly don't want to have to think about another way of getting out if it doesn't quite carry. Wait for any ball
on a good length just outside off-stump. Play 2.125 inches inside the line of the ball. As you are no doubt aware a cricket bat is 4 and a quarter inches wide so this should result in the thinnest of thin edges. A sharp take by the keeper and off you trot. There are a few advantages using this method, firstly in attempting it you will play and miss at least 8 times, this will give the impression that it is a very good bowler you are facing, secondly given the fact it is a good bowler you were facing you can claim 'I must have been playing well to get a touch'. Ergo your reputation is enhanced.

4 Whilst facing the oppositions mystery spinner deduce what way he is attempting to spin the ball. It's not important here whether the ball is turning or not, its simply important you work out which way it would
be turning if it was. Next time he bowls a straight one subtly play down the wrong line as if the ball turned the opposite way to the one he usually bowls (still following the genius of this here?). You may be
out bowled to their mystery spinner but it was definitly through sheer bad luck that he produced his only straight 'doosra' whilst you were batting. Who can blame you for that?

NOTE - this beautiful trick will only work if it's not one of your team umpiring. If one of your team is umpiring you're just an incompetent fool who played down the wrong line, be very careful!

5 Another one which relies on having a good batting partner at the other end and more importantly you being the weak link in said partnership, percieved or otherwise. All you need to do is initiate some mayhem in running between the wickets, a fairly simple way to do this is to call any combination of yes, no, and wait in a random or pseudorandom order. Just as it looks like your illustrious partner is
about to bite the dust you can dash past him and sacrafice yourself. Whilst this may gain you the reputation of being a suspect runner it will at least prove to everyone what a team player you are.

Hopefully you'll be able to remember at least one of those the next time you are in the middle and feeling a bit out of form,

Happy Batting,

Onefa,

Tags: Batting, Dismissals, Tips

Hello and welcome to my first ever blog. I'm not entirely sure why I've been chosen for this obviously vitally important task but I shall endevour to meet and perhaps even exceed expectations. I've been a member of Reed since I was around 8 years old but have - rather shamefully - been absent in recent years due to university and the fine sportbof Ultimate Frisbee. I've even competed in the World Ultimate Frisbee Championships but we'll leave that for another rainy day when I run out of material. Sadly this will probably happen relatively soon but we shall see.....

Anyways, here goes,

Sadly this cunning scheme is no longer quite as relevant given the glorious weather of late. However knowing England another spell of persistant rain is just around the corner.

My grand plan is to relocate our home ground from the gorgeous surrounds of the green in Reed to the much underused Millenium Dome - or whatever it's called these days - in Greenwich. Now at first glance this would appear to be absurd but then just think of the benifits.

1, Rain will never stop play again and it will enable us to guarantee that we remain the only club in Hertfordshire still able to complete games when the heavens open.

2, It will mean a significantly shorter journey to games for our 'overseas player' Will Clarke, thus saving the club money in paying his expenses - like he needs them anyway.

3, Should messrs Allsopp, Ward, Martin, Cross, Robertson et al fancy a night out after a game they'll have more options than Royston can offer.

4, Away trips to all those lovely grounds in the North London area will be brought considerably closer to our home ground. As an aside they wouldn't have to travel as far to us.

5, Because we're in London we can raise our bar prices and hence our bar takings will skyrocket.

6, The close proximity of sandwich shops and such like to the ground would mean that when Mr Johnson forgets his sandwiches in future he'll have no option but to nip out and purchase some instead, preferably from pret.

7, Us Mordeners could get the train from the frankly magnificent Ashwell and Morden station and save money on the petrol we currently waste lugging our kit bags to every game.

So as you can see whilst it would be inconvenient for some current members I'm sure the attraction of playing in a national landmark and the 7 benifits listed above would more than make up for the possible negative consequences

Thank you for reading,

Onefa.

Tags: Millenium Done, Relcoating