As the players make their way out, your scribes are eagerly awaiting to report on the proceedings, but as we are also expected to keep scores and serve drinks all bloody day long we do not want to hear any complaints about the accuracy of what follows.
From our vantage point on the pavilion veranda we have a near perfect view of playing area. It would be a completely perfect view was it not for the hanging baskets so thoughtlessly, sorry thoughtfully, placed in our line of vision by Andrew “that’s my boy” Emms. But these are just minor distractions compared to the wasps which appear to be nesting in them. Only joking. So, without further ado let us proceed to the days events, so eagerly anticipated by all and sundry in the club. Even now it is obvious that some of the members are already very sundry indeed, and we have only just opened the bar (more of which later).
The teams have been selected and the draw pitches Morss’s Marauders against Wardie’s Warriors in the first game of six in the round-robin. This was a very dull affair indeed with nothing of note to report, excepting that the Marauders (55 for 2) beat the Warriors (52 for 2).
The luncheon interval followed and a surfeit of pork pies proved to be the undoing of Morss’s Marauders in the next game as they slumped to an embarrassing 36 for 4.
Their bowling was no better, and faced with such a low total it was no surprise that Archer’s Angels unruffled their feathers and notched up their first win. Openers Jack “Golden Arm” Tidey and the impressive looking David Johnson knocked off the runs with an over to spare.
Peter Tidey was run out going for a second run! Hard to believe we know, but there were countless other witnesses. This is not a mistake by your overworked reporters. To their credit the Missiles launched a valiant effort to win the game but were stopped in their tracks when Lee Johnson came on to bowl. Not only was Lee the best fielder on view all day, his over saw just six runs scored with the loss of two wickets. The Missiles went out with a whimper rather than a bang, finishing on 53 for 4.
At this stage of the proceedings all four sides had won one game, which turned the last two games of the round-robin into bona fide semi-finals. In Latin bona fides (bona fide means "in good faith"), is the mental and moral state of honesty, conviction as to the truth or falsehood of a proposition or body of opinion, or as to the rectitude or depravity of a line of conduct. This concept is important in law, especially equitable matters. In contemporary English, "bona fides" is sometimes used as a synonym for credentials, background, or documentation of a person's identity. "Show me your bona fides" can mean: Why should I trust you (your good faith in this matter)? Tell me who you are. In this sense, the last phrase is often used by Matt Bowles when addressing friends after a night out in Cambridge. Source: Wikipedia
Where were we….ah yes the semi-finals. In the first match the Missiles were up against the Marauders. In a tight game the Missiles scrambled to 45 for 4, with Will Dobson out LBW to Christian Martin, brother Marcus also out LBW, this time to Captain Morss, and Julian Fynn brilliantly run out by a direct hit from George Greaves. What prospects these Greaves boys are. In reply the Marauders struggled to keep up with the rate until Will Dobson came on to bowl.
In the other semi-final, a less than impressive display by the Angels saw them post 44 for 3, with Jack Tidey out LBW, David Johnson run out in a very close call and Tom Greaves caught by wicket-keeper Marcus Baker after thick-edging one into orbit. In reply, Paul Garrott and Sean Tidey got the Warriors off to a good start, and a power-play by Jim Allsop saw them home and dry with one over to spare.
So we know the finalists, but who will be awarded the wooden spoon? After a long day in the field and bar, a very tired Missiles team conceded 82 runs for the loss of just one wicket, bowling such dross that Will Dobson accumulated 48 very easy runs. For this very entertaining knock he was given the best player award by our President, whose judgement by this time had become very suspect following another long day in the bar.
Needless to say, Archer’s Angels could not rise to the occasion, with Jason himself falling for the most obvious trap that was set for him when he was caught by Kallum Ward off the bowling of Fergus. A lesson to be learnt there about field placing, perhaps, for present and future captains, especially Jason. With 50 required off the last over, the Angels consoled themselves with a six off the last ball.
Your reporters could have been at home doing something useful like cutting the grass, but no, we will struggle on in the sweatshops otherwise known as the scorebox and bar to record this epic match. The Marauders struggled to score quickly, with a particularly well-bowled double wicket maiden by Jim Allsop, recalling memories of his six-wicket haul against Royston in the Keatley Cup final all those years ago. Matt Bowles brought some respectability to the final score of 48 for 5 by taking 16 runs off the bowling of Peter “badly tiring” Tidey in the final over.
In response, the Warriors played sensibly and reached 35 for 2 after four overs. Mitchell Cooper then bowled Paul Garrott with his first ball, but Lee Johnson showed his class by steering two well placed shots to the boundary to secure victory. An excellent all round performance by Lee, well-deserving of greater recognition.
This report has been faithfully transcribed from the notes of David “my boy is better than your boy” Cooper, by Peter “frustrated writer who should stick to pulling pints” McMeekin.
N.B. Any comments, complaints or libel writs should be addressed to DC.
P.S. The politically correct editorial committee (BM) has pointed out that we failed to mention the exploits of Rupert Martin, George Garrott, Chris West, John Kershaw, Graham Hazard and James Bloor, all of whom have very sensitive natures and could be very upset by being left out. Tough.
P.P.S. Whilst on the subject of being left out, why did Andy Young, Phil Frenay and Richard Barlow all cry off at the last minute? Andy had a reasonable excuse in that his wife put her foot down, but Phil claimed to be moving house – pull the other one, and Richard decided his priorities lay with football, selection committee please note.
P.P.P.S Other notable absentees on the day included the Heslams. The whereabouts of John and William are unknown, believed to be abroad. (Note to Keith – can you check the bar account bank balance), but James opted to spend some quality time with a member of the opposite sex. Not a very good example to set.